Nearly half of all American teenagers feel sad and hopeless. 44% to be specific. This number represents a troubling incline of more and more students every year suffering from negative emotions in their daily lives.
These statistics then beg the question: Why?
While the complexities behind our increasing mental health issues in the United States are profound and the reasons behind teenage depression are numerous, social media plays an impactful role.
Most, if not all, teenagers today are connected to social media. In fact, about 95% of U.S. teens use social media, and more than a third say they are online almost constantly. But this constant connection comes with consequences.
In a world where likes, followers, and curated images dominate daily life, success is no longer just something people achieve: it is something constantly displayed, compared, and judged.
But what exactly are we comparing ourselves to?
Well, let’s start off with the most stereotypical example that most think of when talking about the pressures and self-esteem issues that stem from social media:
Scroll through any platform – Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat – and you are met with a constant stream of highlight reels and seconds long snapshots of people’s lives. Perfect vacations. Perfect bodies. Perfect lives. What often goes unseen are the failures, the insecurities, and the ordinary moments that actually make up most of a person’s life.
I open Instagram on my phone and the first thing I see is Tate McRae’s new story. She recently went on the red carpet at Vanity Fair and was posting pictures of her gorgeous red dress.
Her face: flawless makeup that hides any blemishes that my own face has. Her hair: falls upon her shoulders with ease which does not match the own hair that knots and sticks up in odd places throughout the day. Her figure: the stunning red dress seems to hug her body in the best way that shows off her curves that my own body does not have.
And in that moment, success quietly begins to change shape. It is no longer about what I accomplish or who I am becoming, but about how closely I can resemble what I see on my screen. Success starts to look like perfection: clear skin, effortless beauty, a life polished enough to be shared. And even though I know I am looking at a curated version of reality, that knowledge does little to stop the comparison.
And the strange part is, none of this is new to us. Every girl my age has heard it before. “These images are edited, these moments are staged, these celebrities have entire teams dedicated to making them look the way they do.”
We are told it is unrealistic, that it is not something we should compare ourselves to. And logically, we understand that. But understanding something does not mean we can escape it.
Because when you are constantly bombarded by these images – not just celebrities, but classmates, friends, people your own age – it becomes almost automatic. You see a picture and think, Wow, she is so pretty… What about me? It is not a conscious decision. It is a reflex.
This conversation is often framed around beauty standards, but that is only one piece of a much larger picture.
Social media does not just reshape how we see beauty; it reshapes how we define success in almost every aspect of our lives.
The Hustle Culture Mindset
For some this shift of success takes the form of wealth and status. “Hustle Culture” has become a huge aspect of many social media platforms. Scroll into another corner of social media, and success starts to look like money.
These influencers blast their fortunes on display. Luxury cars, private jets, expensive watches, and captions that suggest it all came from working harder than everyone else.
Influencers like Gary Vaynerchuk build entire platforms around this idea, constantly reinforcing the message that if you are not grinding, you are falling behind.
In this world, rest feels like failure.
There is always something more you could be doing: another side hustle, another opportunity, another way to get ahead. Success becomes something urgent, something you are constantly chasing but never quite reaching.
For teenagers watching this, it quietly reshapes expectations. If success is measured by money and productivity, then where does that leave someone who is still just trying to figure things out?
Popularity and Status Mindset
Then there is another version of success: one rooted not in money, but in status.
In these spaces, success is about being seen, being admired, and being above others. Influencers like Andrew Tate and Tristan Tate promote a version of success centered on dominance, power, and control. The message is clear: success means having influence, having attention, and having the ability to stand above everyone else.
And even if this message is not directed at everyone, it still seeps into the broader culture.
Because status is not just about extreme examples. It shows up in smaller, quieter ways such as how many followers someone has, how many likes they get, how often their name comes up in conversation. Popularity becomes proof of worth. Visibility becomes validation.
And suddenly, success is no longer just about what you do, it is about how many people are watching.
But this idea is not just spread through short clips or viral posts. It is reinforced through an entire ecosystem of podcasts and online conversations that push a very specific image of what it means to be successful, especially for young men.
Across these podcasts, success is often framed through rigid expectations: be dominant, be unemotional, be wealthy, be in control. Relationships are sometimes reduced to power dynamics. Vulnerability is treated as weakness. And respect is something to be taken, not earned.
These podcasts, full of toxic masculinity culture, spread like wildfires among young men who are looking for fulfillment in their lives. This destructive rhetoric alters the viewpoints of those susceptible and makes them want to value dominance over respectfulness, kindness, and caring for everyone.
Perfectionist Lifestyle Mindset
But perhaps the most subtle version of success is the one that looks the most normal. It is not loud. It is not extreme. It is quiet, aesthetic, and seemingly attainable.
I started noticing this through an Instagram account called ultimateivyleagueguide. It would show up on my page constantly, offering advice on what I should be doing right now to get into an Ivy League school. At first, it felt helpful. But over time, it became something else.
It made me feel behind.
As someone already feeling the pressure of the college application process, seeing constant reminders of what I “should” be doing made me question everything I wasn’t doing. It made my current life feel insufficient—like no matter how much effort I was putting in, it wasn’t enough to get me where I wanted to go.
And it does not stop there.
Because alongside accounts like that are influencers who document their “perfect” daily routines. They wake up early, go to the gym, drink aesthetically pleasing matcha, attend classes, study for hours, and somehow still have the energy to stay up all night being productive. It is a cycle of constant self-improvement, presented as effortless.
And watching it, you cannot help but wonder:
Why am I not doing that? Why am I not doing enough?
In this version of success, it is not about one big achievement. It is about every small moment of your life being optimized, productive, and picture-perfect. And anything less begins to feel like failure.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/smemon/5684115572 ( Sean MacEntee)
How Do We Stop Feeling This Way?
Unfortunately, we cannot simply eliminate social media. Where would we even draw the line? At influencers? At celebrities? At classmates posting their own lives? Any attempt to remove these voices entirely would not only be unrealistic, but it would also raise serious concerns about limiting people’s ability to express themselves.
So if we cannot control what is posted, we have to learn how to control how we respond to it.
For me, that starts with awareness. Being able to pause and recognize when I am comparing myself. Asking myself whether what I am seeing is real, or just a carefully constructed version of reality. Reminding myself that someone else’s highlight reel is not a fair standard to measure my own life against.
It also means being more intentional about what I consume.
Who am I following? What kind of content am I allowing into my daily life? Is it making me feel inspired or inadequate? Because over time, the content we surround ourselves with begins to shape how we think, how we feel, and how we define success.
And maybe the most important shift is redefining success for ourselves.
Not based on likes, followers, money, or perfection, but based on growth. On effort. On the quiet, unposted moments where we are learning, struggling, and improving in ways no one else can see.
If there is anything I could convey to young people my age across the globe, it is that we need to start appreciating ourselves a little bit more.
That soccer game you just won was not easy. The piano piece you finally mastered was not easy. That math problem you worked through was not easy. That meal you cooked was not easy. That awkward conversation you finally had with your friends was not easy.
Every single day, we do things that challenge us. No, we did not cure cancer or travel to Mars, but we showed up. We tried. We pushed ourselves in ways that no one else may ever see. And that matters more than we give it credit for.
Because success is not always loud or visible or worth posting. Sometimes, it is quiet. Sometimes, it is simply getting through the day, growing a little bit more, and becoming a better version of yourself than you were yesterday. And maybe that is something worth recognizing.
If social media has the power to shape our definition of success, then we also have the power to take that definition back.
And maybe that is where real success begins.
